Thursday 20 June 2019

short story)a new beginning

My short story 


"A new beginning" 


 Hello every one today I'm going to be wiring about my short story "A new beginning".😊

In chapter 1 all of the men had to work each and every day by chopping wood in the forest and also fishing. the women also had to do the farming for food for the village and this boy from the village was only eleven years old and he was working even though he was only eleven.

But, as there numbers grew there was never enough food for all of them there was no land to share for them.  So the people started fighting over the land and food.

The people were tired of the madness. but there were neighbours across the river from them; and they made an agreement with there neighbours and they promised they would still be able to keep fishing if they shared some of the land with them.  But this didn't last, the promise wasn't kept.


 

13 comments:

  1. Kia ora Raven, it’s Dayton from Paihia School, I really enjoyed your short story about the beginning. I like how you added more details to describe the story more. You gave me a memory about the war because it reminds me of WW1, WW2, The Vietnam War and other wars because those wars were about the land and food. Next time you could add paragraphs and more information for the writing. Will you make chapter 2?
    Overall I think it's good, hope to comment again sometime.
    Sincerely Dayton

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kia ora Raven, it’s Dayton from Paihia School, I really enjoyed your short story about the beginning. I like how you added more details to describe the story more. You gave me a memory about the war because it reminds me of WW1, WW2, The Vietnam War and other wars because those wars were about the land and food. Next time you could add paragraphs and more information for the writing. Will you make chapter 2?
    Overall I think it's good, hope to comment again sometime.
    Sincerely Dayton

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi my name is Thomas from Kawakawa Primary School I like the way you put like lots of detail it make me remind of my smart friend because of lots detail your next step probably put picture .
    Check out my blog https://kpsthomass.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kia ora Raven my name is Gail and I go to Paihia school. I really like how your story explains your way at looking at the world. I like how you found a way to resolve the problem in your story. I also really liked how you ended the first chapter on a cliffhanger that way someone reading it will be excited to read the next chapter. Why did you choose to write about a new beginning?.


    ReplyDelete
  5. Kia ora Raven my name is Calais and I am from Paihia School. I like your post about the people sharing and fighting over the land. Then they made an agreement to share the land and to promise to share the land. But then you said the promise was not kept long. How long did it take you to finish your post and can you explain why the promise was not kept long? And good work?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kia ora Raven my name is Gail and I go to Paihia school. I really like how your story explains your way at looking at the world. I like how you found a way to resolve the problem in your story. I also really liked how you ended the first chapter on a cliffhanger that way someone reading it will be excited to read the next chapter. Why did you choose to write about a new beginning?.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kia ora Raven my name is Gail and I go to Paihia school. I really like how your story explains your way at looking at the world. I like how you found a way to resolve the problem in your story. I also really liked how you ended the first chapter on a cliffhanger that way someone reading it will be excited to read the next chapter. Why did you choose to write about a new beginning?.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi my name is OShen from Kawakawa Primary School I like the way you put like lots of detail it make me remind of my smart friend because of lots detail your next step probably put picture .
    Check out my blog https://kpsoshens.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  9. Kia Ora Raven, My name is Mia and I go to Kawakawa Primary School, I am a year 7 there. I enjoyed your Short Story alot, It's a great start so far. I am quite excited for chapter two. If you would like to check out my learning go to this link address and BOOM, There's my blog!

    See you once again Raven!
    https://kpsmiat.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi my name is Capri from Kawakawa Primary School I really like your post its really creative maybe next time though you could add a few photos to brighten thing up you know. Check out my blog https://kpscaprihurakopa.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  11. kia ora Raven my name is Nikau and I go two kawakawa primary school I really like your post its really creative maybe next time though you could add a few photos to brighten thing up you know. I like like how your story explains your way at looking at the world. I like how you found a way to resolve the problem in your story. I also really liked how you ended the first chapter on a cliffhanger that way someone reading it will be excited to read the next chapter. Why did you choose to write about a new beginning?. come check out my blog https://kpsnikauw.blogspot.com/ blog you later

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi my name is Herbert from kawakawa primary school i really like your writing maybe you can add a capital a after a.

    ReplyDelete
  13. kia ora Raven my name is nikau. I go two kawakawa primary school. I really like how your story explains your way at looking at the world. I like how you found a way to resolve the problem in your story. ended the first chapter on a cliffhanger that way someone reading it will be excited to read the next chapter. You gave me a memory about the war because it reminds me of WW1, WW2, The Vietnam War and other wars because those wars were about the land and food. Why did you choose to write about a new beginning?. come check out my blog. https://kpsnikauw.blogspot.com/ blog you later

    ReplyDelete